Just a Little Bit of Rambling

Just some thoughts that have been going through my mind.

Now that we're past the year mark of my diagnosis, I find random things popping up in life that remind me of what was going on a year ago. For instance, I recently changed purses and suddenly my mind flashed back to sitting in Dr. W's office on our first visit with him. His nurse Stephanie was preparing us for my surgery (you know, the one that resulted in a 9 day hospital stay that we had all of 12 hours to prepare). She noticed my purse and told me that I'd not be allowed to even carry my purse for 6 weeks after surgery.

Or the fact that the hospital had very few TV stations, but one of them happened to be TLC. A new series called Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids was debuting and we must have seen the preview for that show at least 100 times. And this week I saw a commercial for the brand new season and just like that I was back in the hospital laying in the bed watching it. Late at night over the last year I would find myself watching Say Yes to the Dress when I couldn't sleep. I've finally had to stop  because I can't watch it without crying and praying desperately that I'll be here to shop for Rory's wedding dress when the time comes.

I discovered this blog last week of a young mother battling breast cancer. As I read through the posts, I found my heart pounding out of my chest, my breath coming in short bursts, and it was if I were living through my own diagnosis and early treatment days again.

My parents are coming to spend a couple of days with us at the end of this week, and we're hoping to have a girl's shopping day while my mom is here. I keep remembering the shopping trip we took last year and what a sweet time it was. And how glad I am to have another chance to shop with my mom and sister.

I wake up every day in awe of the fact that I don't have to see a doctor, receive chemo, get bloodwork done. How if I would have known this time last year how incredibly hard it would all be, I'm certain I wouldn't have had the strength to face it. Not knowing can sometimes be a blessing. 

Most of all I find myself overcome with gratefulness for how God carried us through the past year. And desperate not to forget what I learned, not to slip back into taking all the little things for granted, not forget to be thankful for normal even when normal means the less than glamorous chores like laundry, cleaning house, care of my family.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19